Sunday, September 14, 2008


After hearing and experiencing a series of believable and unbelievale tales of our so called freedom of speech, i finally came to the conclusion that what they wanted us to do is to really stop talking. Or not to think aloud.

I mean, it's not that i was so dumb that i didnt know about it or i was so blind to realise it from the very beginning. I kind of.. erm.. u know, knew it all along.

U see, the many schools that i attended to achieve such understanding towards life in a country under certain government has got a lot to do with my kind of understanding right now. I mean, in those classrooms i was taught fiercely that i wont get a slap from a teacher if i just shut up. i was also taught that being silent is a way of a respectful life. U know, the " seekor ayam bertelur riuh sekampung" kind is a big no no.

And being a part of a 50 pupil classroom, of course you wont dare to walk across the line, let alone asking why such dumb law is being implemented. U know, questions like, was God that stupid, giving us such beautiful but useless lips and tounge and voice. Or was that teacher as powerful as God in forbiding us to use our own voice. Or even, was that teacher a God?

And of course, apart from being afraid of being humiliated by getting a slap or a canning infront of the whole classroom, we also were very afraid of being rejected by friends. U know, in those days who wants to befriended a lonely vocal who always got himself into trouble. One would rather be closed to a famous brainless-princess wanna be-girl who doesnt understand the fact that a two plus two and two times two is the same thing but knows how much a girly dress and a bottle of mascara cost.

And it will be even worse if you were enrolled in a "sekolah agama". They literally used God in every single thing they do. Like in a human needs and rights rejection. U know,like preventing a young boy student from seeing his girlfriend, in the name of God. And after a while the high testerone driven boy launch an attack into another high testerone driven boy's ass. And after that it became hearty-farty. And then love. And then commitment. And then sex implants. And so on.. And they'll go ( the teachers, i mean), God knows you are screwing assess therefore you cant lie. If you really dont screw asses, you've got to do a swearing also in the name of God. If you do, the 'laknat' will fall on you, also from God. I mean, i dont have anything against God's power but I pity God for all these human-nonsense- bad drama He has to face every single moment.

U see, i dont really understand. I have a teenage daughter. I'd rather have my daughter telling me every single thing that she's doing or had been done or thought of doing. It is easier to tame her puberty-adolescent-crazy thinking and doing rather than receiving her back home with a big belly of an irresponsible idiot's baby or an arm full of drugs injection marks or anything worse that you can and cant think of. In order to have that unrejected mother-daughter-friend relationship, shutting her up vocally is far from being practiced ever since she was born. I admit that i do got headache and temperament at times but it worth. I know how to deal with her because i know what she is thinking of. Easy.

But on the other hand, I kind of realise how powerful a silence can be. U know, for example if my mouth is gagged, i'll definitely be restless and my brain will immediately start working to its fullest volume and tells my body to start moving energetically. That means, the more my mouth is shut, the more i rebel. Rebellion comes from restlessness, a friend of mine said. So do i need to say more if you are oppressed and surpressed vocally? Let them shut our mouth. It's a blessing in disguise. Now we can think and do things silently. They wont know and they dont care.

Anyway, time have proved that you can get away with anything, even a murder just by being silence!

And for the cat up there in the attached photo, she fears no rejection. She's free to pursue her dream. And i think i'll join her in a little while.


Si Kuching Siam (SKS) said...

This is a brave confrontation dear, hopefully there will be more..We not living in the old 'nostalgic' or 'romantic' idea of what our life should be when we grow up.. We're living in a 'real' least at this moment it is 'real' to us...might not be for our kids in future though..

Nice to hear your 'brave' thoughts again, sadly when we have this discussion in Penang, I was not open enough to accept this ... not anymore..


Unknown said...

Right to the face, this time...
I luv the caption u put up after your name "life in the streets isn't hard if you know the hidden corners well!" experience well learnt.

Nurbaya Hassan said...

hi kak,
it's been a long time i didnt hear news from ya. with this blog, at least u updated me!!!