Monday, August 18, 2008

I am DAMN happy for being a clueless bastard!

Why i never write on politics? I dont know. Well, the truth is i do not want to know and i dont fucking care! Why must i write about those big flat stupid shameless asses who only care about themselves and their deep fat pocket full of rice and their big flat stupid useless nametags? Believe me, that is all they care. And stop being foolish! They dont care about you.
I mean, if i am a politician, i would do the same too. Infact with my horoscope as a gemini bastard, i could be the richest and the most beautiful politician lady in town. U see, i am, as much as u are, a human being like them too. i have brain and heart, pancreas and duodenum, rectum and all. so i guess i'll pretty much will do the same as them if am a politician. But, owh! i am not and they are. And they turn out to be colourless and dull politicians. So why must i feed their egos, those boring hooligans by writing about them. Damn, god forbid!
I write about ordinary people and their extraordinary power to still keep on their feet despite the economic blunder with the rise of oil and rice and crime while the heat-up politicians up there fighting among themselves for a chair with a nametag. Will that chair and that nametag do something to the people's suffering? Like u know, giving free medication to the poor? i dont know. I dont even know how a chair and a nametag look like. I've never been a government servant.
And who cares about 'i swear to the government i did not think like marxist' or 'i swear to God i am not a hippie'. I mean, does the swearing do something to people's suffering? Like u know, giving free education to the poor? So that they know the difference between a rectum and a belly button. And so that they dont have to prostitute their bodies and principles to get money to go to school? I dont know. I never finish schooling. Everytime i got myself into a higher education institution, i got kicked out of it. Partly because i was and still a lazy and lousy bastard. Partly because i dont believe in their mission, u know, that serving the government thingy. I mean, when is the government going to serve us, their people? Owh! We've got to serve ourself? U mean, we've got to travel in their 'useless-over crowded-never on time' public transportations to get us to the place where we work our ass off to put rice on the table? O, u mean we who lives in malaysia, one of the biggest exporter of rice have to replace our rice on our table with the cheap bread?
See, that is why i want to write about us, the people, the real power. We are colourful and vibrant and lively and stronger. Remember the story of a lost state minister who cried because he had to get his ass out of the official big mansion after the election? about the 'setinggans' whose house got burnt down? And talking about being real, a lot of their stories were made up to blindfold us from seeing the real issue. As if we are fools...
So lets get our pants down and cheer for the freedom!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Re EDUCATING CAB DRIVERS (they love our middle fingers!)

u see, the sun was blazing red. the pavement was hot enough to burn my soles. People is everywhere, yelling, screaming and laughing. Motorcycles and cars honking. different songs from different stores collided together in the air. So are ciggies smokes and buses fumes. Plus children's nagging and crying. And everything else that only God knows. Owh! Welcome to Bukit Bintang, the golden triangle of Kuala Lumpur, where even God has retired, on a saturday afternoon! Of course, i got terrible headache on that day.

I live in desa pandan. After the completion of the great Bulatan Kg Pandan with its highways going here and there, time taken to reach bukit bintang is reduced to less than 5 mins! God bless these roads. It is our money in the tar and stones and whatever it needs to build these smooth and sexy roads, anyway. Even in a slight traffic jam, we'll reach Bukit Bintang in not more than 10 minutes. Forget about the heavy traffic jams at high time. Blame the government for letting almost everybody, as long as they reach puberty in reading signboards and recognizing colours to have their own car (or cars even), all crumpled on the same roads on our tiny piece of land.

So, with my head throbbing badly, i got my big and lazy ass to KL Plaza taxi stand and holy cow! 10 cabs were there staring at me. Such a lucky bitch i am. Which cab will be lucky enough to have my ass resting on its cushions, my mind spoke on behalf on those cabs. La la la la la la. And then, came the tragedy.

u see, although there were 10 cabs, only 3 drivers were waiting for customers. The rest of those cabs were all ghost driven, i guess. And all those ghost has dissapeared into their coffins in KL Plaza, Bukit Bintang Plaza, Sg Wang Plaza or into massage parlours occupying one third of Bukit Bintang or perhaps they were singing their hearts out in karaoke rooms, leaving their customers waiting in vain.

And, there they were, 3 living ghosts in white uniforms, standing and chatting, laughing and feasting their eyes on a little girl's big boobs with school bag's strap cutting through her cleavage swaying infront of them. Owh, i came into rescue right in time, calling them


"nak pegi mana?"

"desa pandan."

"o.. tak boleh la. Jem teruk sangat ni."

True enough, transports in every sizes and colours are swarming the road infront of them. But i am not stupid.

"bang, masuk ikut tepi planet hollywood ni, terus masuk highway ke bulatan Kg Pandan, mana ada jem."

"owh..' i could catch a slight embarrassment in their face. "tak boleh la, semua driver nak rehat.."

I was so pissed off. With a voice that rings 'do not bullshit me', i asked " satu teksi pun tak nak jalan ke sekarang?"

Then, melodiously the sacred words came out.. "15 ringgit."

My eyes widened up and my jaw dropped to my feet. Speechless and humiliated, just before i turned around, there you go.. my middle fingers right infront of their faces!

U see, i 've had enough of all these bullshits but still it's happening to me. 15 ringgit for a 5 minutes journey which only cost me 5 ringgit at any other time? holy cow! over my dead cat's body!

But of course. my middle finger was not long enough to poke their eyes, let alone their hearts and consciense. I left the taxi stand in sweat. They just turned around to find another pair of delicious boobs to feast their eyes on.

So, i had to take the 'always late and never on time' monorail to Bukit Nenas, walked across the flyover using the 'will it ever work?" escalators to Dang Wangi, took the 'very old and almost collapsed' putra train to Jelatek to take a cab to Desa Pandan. Luckily, i.m a flip-flop person. If i had heels, they'll probably on those drivers's foreheads by that time.

Anyway, by the time i reached desa pandan, my headache was almost not there. All because i kept on thinking and i finally found a resolution. At least for myself. How to re-educate those cab drivers.

If i ever met with the same incident, which i'll cut my cat's middle finger if i dont, i'm sure i will and you too will, you and i should do this,

: widened up our eyes as big as we can, dropped our jaws flat to the ground, do a little shivering, or wipe the cold sweat on our forehead and say,

"ha!?! 15 ringgit? murahnya! 30 ringgit saya boleh bayar! tolonglah hantar saya ke desa pandan yang 5 minit saja jauhnya tu."

Remember, say it as bold and as honest as you can. If not, they'll know you're just being cynical.

If You meant what you said, take the cab. When you finally reach your destination, open the door, take out your 15 ringgit (if u have. if not, 5 ringgit will do!) and throw it to his face and run as fast as you can!

If you were just toying around and you DO NOT WANT TO PAY 15 RINGGIT, dont forget to struck up your middle finger just after saying those lines.

They love it! La la la la la..

Monday, August 4, 2008

jack n jill

jack n jill went up the hill
to fetch A pail of water (ahah! why do we need 2 people to fetch only a pail? i wonder)
jack fell down n broke his crown ('s about time!)
n jill came tumbling after (r u nuts?)
she stood up
n wave her hand
to the world
to the reporters way down there (gile glamer hawau pompuan ni! tapi tak kisahlah, yang penting)
n pour the water on jack's head
she sang 'goodbye chauvinism'

p.s hehehe.. i'm such a gemini bastard! hehehehiks.. burppp..

Sunday, August 3, 2008